“What sorrow awaits my rebellious children,” says the LORD. “You make plans that are contrary to mine. You make alliances not directed by my Spirit, thus piling up your sins!” –Isaiah 30: 1
Sometimes life seems so unfair.
I sometimes say to myself: “I walk in sanctification (debatable), but nothing seems to work according to plan. Yeah, I sin sometimes, but I correct myself and repent. Why, then, do I seem to be in eternal punishment, while others, who are living in sin, who have abandoned their faith and denied God long ago, seem to be living hassle free lives… I admit, Lord, that I do not understand, and it makes me furious. Furious against me, furious against you”.
But despite the anger, God’s Spirit in me pushes me to worship Him, (and that’s a sign that it is time to let go). I resist, but it’s stronger than me. In tears, I sing his praises. But the next morning, that anger is there again. It’s a vicious, suffocating circle …
After profound observation, few punches in my headboard, (thank God I didn’t break anything), and several repressed tears that imposed themselves and eventually poured down my cheeks, I realize that I have to LET GO. I just have to take my hands off the wheel and give it back to the best driver of all: the Holy Spirit of God … DAVINA, LET GO!
I have a considerably controlling and perfectionist personality. But the does not work with God! We can’t both be at the checkpoint. There can only be one person in charge.
When I lead, it’s a disaster! I know that, but I persist! It’s as if I want to prove to God that I can do it … (LOL!) Then when it turns sour, I get mad at HIM … What kind of completely illogical logic is that!?
Lately, I have once again reached the end of the roll. I did everything by my intelligence, my strength and my knowledge, it has not given much positive results… It only wore me out. I am well aware that God said, “It is not by might, nor by power, but by my Spirit” (Zechariah 4: 6). I know that it is not by my might, nor by my beautiful voice, nor my beautiful eyes, or my persuasive power or my elloquance, nor is it by my intelligence, but BY HIS SPIRIT. So why do I persist to do as I wish?! Well, error is a human flaw and hardheadedness is Davina’s!
But now I’m exhausted! So I DECIDED TO LET GO! (I try anyway). I’m giving him the wheel. Saying, “Holy Spirit, LEAD!”
I know I’m not the only one who’s like that. Listening to other DOTMH* tell me their stories, I realize that many of us make that mistake. We take control of our lives, our finances, our engagement, our marriages, our ministries, our blogs, our Youtube channel;) etc., and when all goes well, we say: “You see God I can do it”. But when everything falls apart, when we get confused, we get mad at God. You cannot say, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me” if you had not even consulted Him before starting your adventure, and you went on the road without him…
Yes, we are able to succeed. And yes, we can and WILL excel, shine, impact this generation, have a marriage worthy of a fairytale or the greatest degrees. But we can do these things only by putting God where He oughts to be. By giving Him the position He deserves; by giving Him the commands. We will sometimes take strange paths. He will allow situations that will break us totally, but it’s all part of a wonderful plan that He has formed for us, and that is known by Him alone. (Jeremiah 29:11, Isaiah 55: 8-9).
So, we need to trust and let go. Anyway, it cannot be worse than what we have done so far … So let’s try! Me anyway, I’ve tried in the past and I can say that I often beat my self up for taking the wheel of my life back in my incompetent hands! That is why today I come back to his feet, I give him the control of EVERYTHING! I let go and I know that everything will work for my own good.