Hello princes and princesses. WELCOME BACK!! 🙂
Before we dive right into the topic. Let me say THANK YOU FOR YOUR LOYALTY. While I was gone you guys weren’t: I saw regular visits on the website, and I received warm messages about my whereabouts, as well as requests for blog posts and videos! I heard, well read yall, and I will deliver. If you want to know why I went MIA head on over to my youtube channel I have a video that summarizes the reasons why I needed to take some time off: click HERE. Ps: DONT FORGET TO SUBSCRIBE WHILE YOU’RE THERE.
Alright, we left off on the topic of Godly dating (check out the last post). So let’s pick up from there. In the previous articles, I spoke about what is Godly dating/courting. Today I want to share some of the things I have learned along the way. Keep in mind that these are things I have observed through my own experiences and those of people around me, as well as bits of advice that were given to me (that I regret not applying sooner). So, here are the 7 things you must/should do while courting, as well as 7 that you should absolutely avoid.
- Pray before engaging yourself in the relationship
- This is important because every decision-making process should start by consulting God. I discovered that when I asked God what he thought of the relationship, the journey had clarity. I must admit that I did not always obey, but at least, God did his part and gave me guidelines. So, brother, if you want to avoid wasting yours and the other person’s precious time, pray before asking that girl to engage in courtship; princess, pray before accepting the invitation to court. This will not only save yourself from a waste of time but also from heartbreaks, distractions, and more.
- “But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.” Galatians 5:16
- Let him do the pursuing
- The bible says in, Genesis 2:24, that “ man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.” So, WHY are we out here pursuing men as if the word of God had changed? Even in 2018, it’s the man’s role to pursue a woman. Allow him! I know that in this era of modernization, the world has decided that for the sake of equality women can ask a man in marriage etc., etc. Well, guess what? As stated in the bible, we are IN the world but we do not belong to the world (John 17:16). We should impact it, not let it influence us. So we must follow divine directions when it comes to dating. And when I read the word of God, I see that I am not supposed to pursue no man! Princess, if the KING of KING pursues you relentlessly, why are you running after a mere man? If he refuses to pursue you, it could be for two reasons: he is not for you or he is not a real man (yet). Because, the man God has for you WILL pursue you AND if you are certain he is the one God has for you, let him grow into a man FIRST. When the time comes, he WILL do the pursuing. A REAL godly man ALWAYS does.
- Take time to speak about the real thing/ask important questions
- Obviously, if you and your beau or belle are courting it is because he/she has passed the initial criteria check. You’re a match… At least on a superficial level… However, in order to know each other deeper and see if you are a match on every significant level (spiritually, emotionally, etc), you will need to start speaking about the real things, such as goals, family values, faith, etc., in more depth.
- Favour group outings
- I think we’re a bit too grown for a chaperon… So, instead, I encourage us to multiply group outings. ESPECIALLY in the begin of the courtship. Not only will it allow you to keep your hands to yourselves, it will also allow your close friends (and/or family if you feel comfortable), to observe your partner and give you feedback (use discernment and take the constructive criticism ONLY). It will also allow you to see how they behave around others: your friend, their friends, the church’s youth group, etc. Plus, don’t they say “the more the merrier?”
- “Therefore encourage (admonish, exhort) one another and edify (strengthen and build up) one another, just as you are doing.” 1 Thessalonians 5:11
- Pray together
- This is a pretty self-explanatory point. Praying together will strengthen your bond and develop your intimacy. Oh, intimacy is not only sexual: SURPRISE! And to me, this is a deep and beautiful level of intimacy that should be developed not too early but also not too late in the relationship. Start with group prayers, and then, after some time, start praying together; just the two of you. Pray for each other, pray for your goals as a couple, pray for your love, pray to remain obedient, pure and holy. You can pray for whatever your heart tells you to pray about, as long as you pray together!
- Matthew 18:20
- Set boundaries (mutual and personal) early on
- Let the other person know what is permissible and what isn’t. Tell them that you do not allow them to touch or kiss you a certain way when courting. Let them know that they can’t call you, or pick you up for a date after a certain hour. If they do not respect your boundaries, they do not respect you.
- Also, agree on mutual boundaries. Limits are important when they are reasonable, they help protect your space and your heart. So do not hesitate.
- Be discrete
- In this social media era, we all want to show off our big life events and accomplishments of all kinds. And being in a relationship happens to be considered a big life event/ an accomplishment of some kind… CONGRATULATION: SOMEONE LIKES YOU! However, it is not the kind of life event that should be broadcasted as soon as it happens. Keep your relationship on the low-low, for a while. I’m not telling you to hide your partner: there is a difference between discretion and secrecy! Your relationship should not be a secret, neither should it be a PSA. So, keep it between you two for some time. Then, as you start to let close friends, SOME family members, and youth leaders know about your relationship, ask them to be discrete for some time too. When you start going out in groups, still keep your relationship OFF of social media for a while. This will save you some trouble: BELIEVE ME!
- “Discretion will guard you…” Proverbs 2:11
- Do not rush
- As Christians, we date with a purpose, we date with an end goal in mind: MARRIAGE. And because marriage is a very important and life-changing decision, it is not wise to rush through courtship. Take your time (not 10 years either), to get to know God’s will and get to know each other well enough.
- “Desire without knowledge is not good, and whoever makes haste with his feet misses his way.” Proverbs 19:2
- No marriage talk on the first few dates (Juanita Bynum Suggests 7)
- Okay, it’s fine to make it clear that you want your next relationship to be the one that will lead to your happily-ever-after. However, once it’s mentioned and you know the both of you share that belief, put that subject on the side for a couple of dates. Why? Because you simply do not know each other well enough to be making these kinds of plans; so talking marriage so soon could put some unnecessary pressure on a relationship that is still an infant. Also, this will protect one of you from getting TOO hurt if, after the first few dates, the other one retracts. It will also prevent the other person from thinking that ALL you want is to be married and thus, it doesn’t matter if you are dating them or anybody else. Obsession is not a cute look…
- Avoid being alone together
- Whether it’s in a house, a room, or even a car; especially late at night.
- This one is pretty self-explanatory, right? I am convinced that you know why this should be avoided. If you don’t, here is why: “The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.” Matthew 26:41 So, “WATCH and pray so that you will not fall into temptation“
- Do not compromise with sin
- This goes hand in hand with the previous point. Do not play with fire, do not compromise with sin or disregard your beliefs for the sake of a date. If he wants to go clubbing say no. If she wants to watch an erotic movie (50 shades of whatever color, for instance), say no. If the person you want to be with or are already courting wants to do doubtful things; things that will pollute your ears, eyes, mind, soul, or spirit, tell them NO! (This is why it is important to set boundaries). If after a couple of nos, they continue to insist, kindly let them know that you need to leave that ship. FLEE!!
- “But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh in regard to its lusts.” Romans 13:14
- Do not beg
- This is especially for my princesses; PRINCESS, VALUE DOES NOT BEG. I learned this the hard way. If he is not willing to treat you according to your worth, does he deserve all the efforts you are putting into the relationship? Is he worth your heart of Gold? You were fearfully and beautifully made (Psalm 139:14), you are the daughter of THE most powerful entity in the universe, and no man should be allowed to treat you any less. Do not sit at home waiting for him to call; pamper yourself instead. Do not blow off his phone because he promised to call back but didn’t; do something constructive. Do not refrain from having fun because he stood you up; go out with your friends. Know your worth, and LET NO MAN treat you like dirt. Remember, allow him to do the pursuing… do not beg!
- Do not forget about your brain
- I must admit that I am guilty of this mistake; I often follow my heart and forget that God graced me with a functioning brain. Don’t be too gullible, don’t be overly suspicious and mistrustful either. But as you follow your heart, please remember to bring your brain with you!
- Don’t take advice from every and anyone.
- I am also guilty of this. (Like I said in the past, I learn the hard way). This is very important. I believe that everyone should have a board of advisors: wise, smart, mature people from different walk of life who can advise us and correct us with open rebuke (as recommended in the Bible: “An open rebuke is better than hidden love!” Proverbs 27:5). In courtship, the same applies: pick a board of advisors made out of people who have EXPERIENCE with dating and are actually in healthy, steady, successful relationships/marriages. Don’t listen to every single one of your colleagues or high school friends… Most of the time, they are AS CLUELESS AS YOU ARE, if not more. Also, when you listen to any members of your board of advisors, still use discernment and ALWAYS TAKE IT TO GOD! HE is the best advisor! Even if an advice seems extremely wise, if the giver of wisdom tells you otherwise, listen to him.
I know this was a lengthy post… But, I needed to share. And guess what? THERE ARE MANY MORE Godly dating dos and don’ts, but these are my favorites. Here is an article that has a list of a few more good ones: The Dos and Dont’s of Christian Dating. It’s based on an excerpt of Juanita Bynum teaching on dating.
I hope this post will help someone out. I wish I knew/applied these things sooner in life. But it’s never too late, and we never stop learning. 🙂 Do not forget to subscribe to the youtube channel as well as follow the blog. I promise you consistency and delicious content.